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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925400">Home.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashykawa1/pseuds/trashykawa1'>trashykawa1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, This is nothing but pain, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, sakuatsu is very very very minor, some very detailed parts and some lazily written parts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:01:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashykawa1/pseuds/trashykawa1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>!!!!PLEASE READ THE TAGS!!!!!</p><p>----I will add a summary someday----</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akagi Michinari/Ojiro Aran, Kita Shinsuke/Ojiro Aran</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Home.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I hope you enjoy this and there might be some grammar mistakes!!</p><p>---If you are feeling suicidal please reach out to a help line and know that me and other people care about you so much<br/>US: 800-273-8255 or 988<br/>UK: 116 123 or 111<br/>Philippines: 7989-USAP (8727) or 0917 899 USAP (8727)</p><p>(If I messed up on either of these numbers, please let me know)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Michinari didn’t expect to get a crush on his best friend Aran, he really didn’t. He realizes this after so many platonic hugs, kisses, and cuddles after their second year. What Michinari didn’t expect is that Aran liked their classmate and team captain, Shinsuke Kita. He witnesses Shinsuke confessing to Aran after practice one day, right when he was going to confess to Aran himself. At that moment, Michinari felt his heart break into two. Aran was the first person he truly loved more than anything in the world. The taller man’s cuddles and hugs felt like home to him and boy did he enjoy the smell of walking into his home and instantly smelling fresh coffee grounds and when it came time to cuddle him, he smelt of the lavender body wash he bought for Aran quite some time ago. Aran was his home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next day at school, he pretends that everything is okay, that he is okay.  He puts on a fake smile and everyone believes that he is truly okay. But, he can’t feel anything; he’s numb. That day, he fakes his happiness around everyone. During practice, Michinari performs a bit worse than usual. As a response to that, Shinsuke asks him if he can sit out to catch his breath. Filled with complete jealousy, Michinari suddenly yells at Shinsuke to keep him on the court and to not tell him what to do. To which, Shinsuke and the coach decide for him to run 5 laps around the court as punishment. He does the punishment, now all he feels is the aching of his legs and sweat dripping down his face. After practice, Aran asks Michinari what’s wrong and he replies that he’s a-ofuckingkay. That night, he spends the entire night crying his eyes out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that incident, Michinari slowly loses motivation to play the sport he loves so he doesn’t show up to some of the team’s practices. Along with that, his power drains out too. He can’t stop thinking about when he was happiest. He was happiest with his best friend. If you asked Michinari’s classmates how he was doing, you’d hear different things like, “Well he’s changed a lot. He was once this energetic person. But now, he shows up to school with red puffy eyes like he’s been crying and he’s easily irritable,” or “I wonder what’s happened to him, he eats less than he used to during lunch and he distances himself from people now,” and from a teacher you’d hear “He seems to have lost interest in his school activities and has a lack of concentration now.” Well after all, he did lose his home so what did you expect?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, he got thoughts that he never expected to have. He quit the team for good and spent his time after school in his room while thinking that he wouldn’t have to feel the pain anymore if he just disappeared. That’s when his parents really started getting concerned. They took him to a psychologist and he ended up getting diagnosed with depression. That wasn't a surprise to him after slowly falling into a hell hole. A week before he quit the team, he would randomly break down and cry in the middle of practice and the smell of lavender helped him calm down; but the day before he did quit the team, the smell of lavender only made him cry more. Aran has no idea what happened but he hopes that Michinari is okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A week after Michinari quits the team and shows up to school, Aran goes up to him and asks, “Hey, Michi. Why aren’t ya showin’ up to practice anymore?” Michinari answers him with a raspy voice and looking at the ground, “I just don’t like volleyball anymore, I’m sorry.” And Aran responds with a sad voice, “Oh, okay..” Just in time, Shinsuke shows up and kisses Aran on the lips with what looks like a lot of love. He witnesses Aran kiss back, his heart fills with regret, his eyes widen, and with what little strength he has left, he runs home. He can only hear his heart beating and the sound of his feet against the concrete as he runs home. He sits on his bed, changing into a pair of shorts and some tshirt Aran bought him during nationals of last year. He lays in his bed, his eyes burn from all the crying he’s done, the feelings that he is completely hopeless and worthless, the heavy guilt he has for not confessing earlier. But most importantly, he always thinks about how Aran seems so much happier around Shinsuke than he ever seemed around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A month later, he seems a bit more okay and has a little more pep in his step. Kita invites all the third years over for a sleepover. It’s the first time Michinari is actually feeling something other than guilt. They play typical games like truth or dare and never have I ever. But when all the games end, Shinsuke pulls Michinari aside and describes how he feels around Aran. Upon hearing those words, Michinari goes back to his numb state and puts on a fake smile, acting happy for Shinsuke. But the same way Shinsuke describes Aran is the same way Michinari does, home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michinari tries his best to sleep that night and when morning approaches, Aran asks if he’s okay. Michinari takes a deep breath, puts on a smile, and says “Yeah, I’m okay.” That was another lie. He sits in class that day, wondering what it would be like to date Aran; to kiss Aran; to hold Aran close; to be able to be Aran’s one and only. But he knows that that is not possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally graduated high school on March 31st, 2013. At that point in time, he thinks that there is nothing left to live for. He writes a note for each of his now previous teammates, including Aran. For Aran, he confesses the love he felt for him and to wish him a nice life. For everyone else, he thanks them for an amazing life and that he hopes for them to not be too sad when he dies. Well right when he plans to just take a bath and just leave the world, he gets too scared and hides the notes. He adds onto the notes each and every year. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few years later, Michinari is holding up a stable life. He has two jobs, one as an employee at Onigiri Miya and the other one as the libero for the Tachibana Red Falcons. While yes that is Aran’s team, he has gotten therapy and is now able to be around Aran without being depressed. That is until he finds out that Aran proposed to Shinsuke. He then instantly got flashbacks to high school. He does what he did back then, lie, separate from volleyball. Only this time he did a blocking spree because he knew that all the major news sources would eat the news up like crazy with Aran being part of the national team. From then on, he works full time at Onigiri Miya. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aran texts him one day and asks to be his best man. Michinari knows that it’ll hurt him but he’s Aran’s best friend so he accepts the offer. He spends lots of time with Aran and Aran only, helping him to plan the wedding. He chose his best friend’s suit, helped chose the color theme, helped make decorations, and more. But he can now tell that his home is renovated, renovated for Shinsuke. If only he was the one getting married to Aran.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stands there, next to Aran. The feeling of his suit against his skin, standing next to Aran while waiting for the music to start. He looked around at the beautiful lights and flowers make the aisle and venue look really beautiful. Then the music started. Nightsky by Tracey Chattaway, a beautiful piece for a beautiful occasion. Family members walked down the aisle first to take their seats in the front, the right side for Aran’s family and the left for Shinsuke’s family. As soon as the family members, with the exception of Shinsuke’s dad, were done walking the aisle, it was time for the groomsmen and groomswomen to walk down the aisle. First was Ren and his wife. Then, Ginjima and his partner. Then Michinari walked down with Osamu, Osamu on Shinsuke’s side and Michinari on Aran’s side. He waited and waited for the other groom's people to take their respective side. Aran then walked down the aisle and God he looked handsome. A blush found its way onto Michinari’s face and he smiled softly at Aran. The song stopped, there was silence for a minute before Do What You Are Doing by Dexter Britain came on. Shinsuke then appeared in a white suit that looked amazing on him, breathtaking really, his hair slicked back, some highlighter on his cheeks that made his skin glow and was just the right touch, a gold pin that was in the shape of a rose on the pocket of his blazer, and maroon tie that matched Aran’s tie. Michinari looked up at Aran only to see him crying at the sight of Shinsuke. He can’t blame him though, Shinsuke stole the show. He watched as they exchanged their vows and other things. He cried during the vows and saw how in love Aran was with Shinsuke and vice versa. At that point, he knew that he no longer had a home that was called Aran. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the ceremony, it was time for the celebration. Michinari excused himself to go outside to take a breath of fresh air. But as soon as he took a deep breath, he broke down into tears, he couldn’t handle it anymore. While taking deep breaths and wiping his tears away, Aran came up to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Michinari-kun, I’ve been looking everywhere for ya- wait, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, I’m fine. And congratulations on the marriage!” Michinari put on a fake smile and Aran believed it. That night, he updated the note for Aran. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two months later, he was in the middle of working when Shinsuke and Aran came in. His eyes widened and he immediately ran to the back asking for Osamu to take their order for him. Osamu then asked why and Michinari explained everything that had happened since high school. Osamu excused it and took the married couple’s order while Michinari sat in the back room, crying silently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A week after that, Michinari just felt worse. Exactly like he did in high school. But this time he isn’t scared. He sits there in the bath, watching as red flows from his wrists, finally able to go somewhere where he won’t be in any pain. Before he went through with it, he left the notes that were in envelopes on a desk with a note on top of them saying, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please give these to the respective people. Thank ya!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” So in complete honesty, he was ready to go. He whispered his final words, “I’ll miss ya Aran,” right as he felt his life slip away from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---Extra: Osamu’s POV after Michinari’s death---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sit there in the back room before Michinari is supposed to come in. Worry rises in me and I call his phone. No answer. I try again. No answer. Well as the saying goes, third time’s the charm. Wrong, he still hasn’t answered. At that point, I immediately close the shop and leave Atsumu and Kiyoomi to clean up and lock up the store. From then on, I grab my stuff and drive over to Michinari’s place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once I park my car in front of his house, something feels off and my heart sinks into my stomach. I ran to the door, expecting it to be locked, but it wasn’t. With the twist of a doorknob, the door opened. Now, I definitely know if something is wrong. I walk all over his house and see that it is a very neat place to be. I walk into his room and then the smell hits me, blood. I run all over his bedroom and see some notes on his desk. I read the top one and quickly searched for the envelope with my name on it. I open up the envelope and read the note left in it. The note looks like it has been updated a lot. A lot since 2012. By the end of the letter, I feel tears run down my face as I open the door. When I see his dead body in the tub I fall to my knees and immediately call for an ambulance. They sit me on his bed and wrap a blanket around me while reassuring me that it’s going to be okay. Once they’re gone, I stay for a minute and take a deep breath. It’s so hard to accept the fact that he truly is gone. I then have to suck it up, wipe my tears, and grab the notes and deliver them to everyone. But I do notice that the thickest one belongs to Aran. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I start off with Atsumu and do everyone else's. My eyes hurt but I know that I have to deliver the letters to Aran and Shinsuke. Once I arrive to their door, I start crying even more. I bring my hand up to weakly knock on their door. They open the door with a worried look on their faces. I cry even more and force the words out of my mouth. “M-Michinari, he’s gone..”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed and this is based off of something me and 2 of my friends came up with!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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